2014: Another year has come and gone

Another year has come and gone, and around this time I’m always in a reflective mood. I like to re-evaluate my life, direction, and basically everything about myself during this time. If 2013 was the storm, 2014 would be the morning after, still dazed at the events of the night before. In a way, 2014 was me waking up, examining the damages, and working my way out of them. This year was a lot calmer, less ups and downs. My life returned to normal. It returned to reality. I was no longer spending thirty to forty hours on the poker table every weekend. I was no longer winning or losing thousands of dollars a day. I was no longer dropping $500 chips on the roulette tables when I was getting bored. No more free trips/rooms to Vegas or Atlantic City. No more VIP treatment. No more feeling like I was living a double life — developer by day, poker player by night. No more waking up to $500 tabs. Life was no longer a whirlwind of being in a dream or nightmare state. However, I have learned so much that I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I returned to a regular nine-to-five job, Automated Software QA Developer. Sexy, huh? Life, in a word, has returned to normalcy.

And honestly, I’m not sure if I like it. Maybe I’m a little weird. Hell, who am I kidding? I am weird. I hate the idea of being normal. I hate the idea of being stable. I hate the idea of seeing my life mapped out in a stable manner. I hate the idea of going to school, getting a job, finding a wife, settling down, and living out the rest of your life. I want more out of life. I want more meaning and serendipity.  I want to be in a situation where I don’t know where life is going to take me in the next ten years. I want to be that guy in Peru somewhere launching a multi-million dollar business, or that homeless guy backing through India searching for his guru, or most of all, A GOD-DAMN RAPPER! Lol The point is, I want my life to be an awesome adventure. One of my co-workers likes to jokingly call me crazy, but I prefer the word eccentric.

Creatively, though, 2014 has been my best year. I have grown in leaps and bounds in terms of  writing, photography, and in just the way I look at life. I did and created things that were above and beyond what I thought I was capable of doing. Not to say they were great work or anything. The bar was just set very low. It’s a good feeling to surprise yourself. Here’s to looking forward to 2015 and everything it has to offer.

The way I see it.


The way I see it is…it’s like running towards a destination far off in the distance. Imagine a blinking light far off in the distance. You don’t know the exact route, the exact path you’re going to take, or everything you’re going to come across on your journey. However, as long as you have a clear vision of your goal. You can get there. You just have to prepare yourself mentally and physically for the challenges along the way.

People ask, “What if it’s not possible to run to the place you desire?” It’s true, there are places you can’t run to because of physical limitations (i.e. running across the ocean) or simply just not possible (i.e. running to the stars). That’s the realm of the real dreamers. People like Tesla, Thomas Edison, and the Wright Brothers, people who sought to do things that were beyond the level of comprehension of their time. I’m not there yet; I hope to be one day.

I’m simply trying to run to a place so many other people have been, a place where people with far less opportunity than me have been. So, I know it’s possible. It might not be the well-worn path. It might be full of hardship and adversity, but I love a challenge.

I don’t know the purpose of life. I don’t think anyone undisputedly knows the purpose of life. If you think you do, I’m all ears, but until then, I’ll give myself one because I hate standing still. My purpose, my goal, my reason for being is to make the world a better place because I existed. I’m not saying I’m a saint; I’m not. I am human like everyone else. I have desires, needs, and greed. However, what I recently realized through my reading is, great people are humans too. I used to hold them on this pedestal. I thought that in order to be great, you had to be almost godlike. You don’t. Your personality and character trait doesn’t dictate the good you can do. From what I read, Steve Jobs was a total asshole. He was manipulative, downright mean, and yet he was able to make a huge impact on the world and touch millions of people.

I’m not telling you this because I condone “character flaws”. I don’t. I believe you should strive to be the best person you can be morally. However, it is more of a reminder that even when flawed, we can do amazing things.